I Hate Walmart

I'm here today to discuss something I flat-out disdain: Walmart. No, it's not because Beyonce was at a Walmart near my house and I missed her. OK, maybe it's that's a small reason I don't like it. Aside from my Beyonce devastation, there are other reasons I hate this retail empire.

Walmart draws customers into the store like a moth to a flame. Of course, in this analogy the flame is a Walmart and the moth is customers who refuse to shower or clothe their legs in a garment other than sweatpants. I know Walmart can't control the hygiene habits of its customers but it just seems that these individuals flock to Walmarts in unusually high quantities. Even higher than a local grocery store.

My first real problem with Walmart is the fact that everyone there is in such a goddamn rush, but the store is very clever about its layout. Before you hit any necessities you must pass racks of clothing, $5 DVDs, Frito-Lays snacks, and seasonal novelties. The trek to any item you need is a long one, yet people never seem to factor in time for locating their item of desire or the time they'll spend in line. If you're really in a rush, you shouldn't be heading into a notoriously large retail giant just to save $0.11.

Every time I walk into a Walmart, whether in a rush or not, the store smells like fish. This is likely because each store is equipped with a Subway. If the Subway is not the cause of this fishy smell, I really don't want to know what is. The store want you to believe that they have a partnership with Subway, but I secretly believe this is just a clever ploy to get you to buy more toilet paper.

Once you're in the store, the place is a fucking mess. Nothing has an accurate price on it. The fact that employees never put items in the correct location suggests that customers do not have to return unwanted items to the correct location. This snowballs into an endless cycle of items never getting returned to the correct spot and before long the store looks like a hurricane hit it.

And of course there's the obvious reason to not like Walmart: it drives away local businesses. Walmart is notorious for opening locations in the middle of nowhere. This really does hurt local businesses because it encourages consumers to shop at Walmart for cheaper prices. But like any major retail store Walmart wants you to buy as much as possible. So those cleverly placed DVDs and Frito-Lays snacks end up in you're cart, and then you're spending $20 more than expected. Shopping at local businesses or smaller chains allows you to avoid temptations.

Plus every time I'm in Walmart there's a fucking bird in there.

So I'm taking a stand and not shopping at Walmart. Time to go to Target.